About Me

Monday, 25 March 2013

Changes and Trust


So, last week was an interesting one, with some real extremes of emotion and life changing things happening and yet although I started writing this post last week, it's only now on reflection I realise how bonkers a week it all was and how many changes were occurring!

So at the beginning of the week we got confirmation of our youngest daughters place at her new school, for September. This will mean that all my kids will now be at school or college outside of the village in which we live. It's a real end of an era, the village here is a real community, my youngest was a baby when we moved here and has grown up with the kids in the village. Her best friend lives round the corner, I'm pretty sure that one day she will marry her friend who lives a few doors away and my son told me once that he's going to marry the pub Landlords daughter... !!  Pretty much everyone knows each other here, people look out for each other, it's like a little bubble. It will be so strange not seeing everyone at the school gate each day and not walking across the fields to school or scooting down the road, (or screeching at the kids for not looking when they cross the road...) But at the same time I know this is all part of God's plan because I couldn't really start my course in September with them all at different schools. Logistically it would be a nightmare, but at the new one they have after school facilities too, which will cover when I need to be at college or studying. 

And on that note, I also had my interview for college last week, had my place confirmed and am about to send off my acceptance letter. So it's official, come September I will be a student again and rather at the mercy of the Church of England... Most of you will know this wasn't the college I wanted to go to originally, and whilst I feel very peaceful about going there and I'm sure it's all part of God's plan, it is slightly bitter sweet too.

And then on Thursday, our new Archbishop was enthroned. Although I'm going into the CofE I'm not madly into the traditions of it and all, but I found myself weeping as I watched him bash on the door of Canterbury Cathedral and then be let in. In that moment I knew, I just knew, that he is the right man for the job. He is going to transform this church, of that I am sure. And suddenly the worries about the organisation I am going to be part of, of how I will fit into their mould, the anxiety about wanting to be a positive and yet forward thinking influence, all disappeared and I knew that with this man at the head of the Anglican church, we, and therefore I, am going to be fine. Really can't put into words how that felt, but so exciting and reassuring at the same time.

And then just half an hour later I got some news that very dear friends of ours are moving away. There followed many tears. Funny how that happens sometimes, such extremes. Almost like God actually knows what's going ;)

And I really struggled with that news, when I got home I was a bit of a wreck if I'm honest and I couldn't understand why I was being so emotional (and it couldn't all just be 'the time of the month'!) but as I look back now I can see exactly why, because the news of our friends moving was like looking in a mirror. Ok so we aren't moving (yet!) but pretty much everything else in our lives is going to change in just a few months time. So I think I had a moment of revelation, the dawning realisation that God will be the only constant in my life. And I don't say that from a bitter or broken place, actually from a good one, but I guess with it comes the knowledge that walking this path really won't be that easy, there will be  more pain, there will be people we will get close to and then our lives will take different paths, there will be situations I cannot possibly handle on my own; and more, so much more.

And every time I think I get a handle on where God is taking us, or what his plans are, he pulls the rug out from under me. Again. Just when I start to feel comfortable, it all changes. So the realisation is also that whilst God has a plan for us, I literally have no clue what that plan is!  But amongst all that, even feeling unsettled and unsure at times, in all these things I have felt, he has also given me deeper faith, more trust and an all consuming desire to just live for Him.

So, last week was really the culmination of several steps in His master plan. Really hoping there won't be too many weeks like that one, but looking forward to the next loop on the roller coaster ;)

This post will also be appearing on my Wordpress blog here


2 comments:

UKViewer said...

Bitter-sweet moments indeed. It can be most unsettling when things that we are comfortable with change, even God driven, we have our moments of fear or doubt. Is the risk really worth the effort? But, we quickly realise that it's not our will driving it, it's God's plan, no matter how obscure it is.

I am really pleased that your college place is settled and while it wasn't the one you preferred, it was outwith your control and you exercised your discretion in obedience to the Bishop, which portends well for Ordained Ministry in the longer term.

Although you take those obscure vows voluntarily, you also do it out of obedience to God, before the Bishop, who is his agent locally in the Church.

I know that you have a year or so until the upheaval that will hit your family when you go to first curacy, but they will soon pass and the morning sun you see, peeking weakly through the clouds will have a new and hopefully renewed perspective.

Prayers for you and your family as you journey on in obedience and hope.

Red said...

thanks :)
blessings
x