...or not as the case may be...
So I saw my spiritual director this week and had a rather emmotional and revealing chat about various things.
Anyway at the end we had the usual quiet and prayer time. During this I was sat with my hands open on my lap and I had a sense of God putting a bag in my hands. It was an old white drawstring bag, a bit grubby, looked like it was made of linen or muslin, and was tied with a simple bit of string. When I opened it, it contained lots of marbles. Not just normal marbles. These were big and all different colours. They were beautiful with all different designs. As I looked one was put in my hand. It was clear but inside had the most amazing flower, all red and orange. It was stunning. Then the bag was taken away leaving me this one in my hand.
I asked God was this was for and I felt him saying that every marble represents something that has happened in my life, but more than that, each one was a gift, a gift of understanding and wisdom from God, each marble being what I have learned through my life experiences. The one in my hand represented my friend Nix and what I had and am learning through her. I felt God saying that I needed to contemplate it further and I will do.
What I loved about all of this is the idea of the gifts from God, that what we learn through our experiences whether hard, emotional, or less diffciult to bear, are gifts from him. The bible says that God uses all things for good and sometimes its really hard to see good when there is suffering, but I guess then we just need to look a little harder.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
Romans 8:26-28 The Message Version