My Mum reminded me that is a year ago this week, the same day as Nix's life ended, that my Nan died. My Nan was in her mid 90s, Nix just over 40. My Nan spent the last 10 years of her life in pain, frustration and annoyance and became more and more bitter as time went on. Nix fought to the last, loving all around her and standing on the promises of God.
Either way life is not fair sometimes. If my Nan had passed 10 or 15 years before, she would have ended it in happiness, not just waiting out her days. aAd yet for Nix, she had so much more to give, another 10, 15 years would not have been enough.
I can't begin to understand all of this. As the book of Job reminds me, I am not God, I wasn't there when he created the heavens, I can't possibly expect to know why this happens. I mean He must allow it, otherwise he is not sovereign and all powerful, and yet I am sure that neither of these things were in His plan. That is the tension of faith, holding two extremes in conjunction with each other.
A friend of ours gave a talk at church some weeks back whick looked at this subject, holding things in balance with each other. At a time like this it was and is hugely helpful. If you would like to hear it click on the link. It should open in a new window and play automatically.
My Nan gave me her daily prayer book when she died and this was the prayer from the day of her death, and also the day Nix left us. I read it at my Nans funeral last year, it just seems perfect for this time.
Thee, in the light of our Saviour's blessed life, we would lift our souls. We
thank thee for that true light shining in our world with still increasing
brightness. We thank thee for all who have walked therein, and especially for
those near to us and dear, in whose lives we have seen this excellent glory and
beauty. May we know that in the body and out of the body they are with Thee, and
that when these earthly days come to an end, it is not that our service of Thee
and of one another may cease, but that it may begin again anew. Make us glad in
all who have peacefully died. Lift us into light and love and purity and
blessedness, and give us at last our portion with those who have trusted in Thee
and sought, in small things as in great, in things temporal and things eternal,
to do Thy Holy Will.
In all things I will praise you Lord. I choose to praise you in the storm.
You are the same yesterday, today and forever...