So... tomorrow I go to BAP. Otherwise known as Bishops Advisory Panel, previously known as Selection Conference/Abbum and probably other names too... This is the culmination of months of preparation, for me about 18 months, for some it is years. Despite much talk, meeting and advice from the DDO (Diocesan Director of Ordinands) I am not entirely sure what to expect. And so bearing in mind there will be many others going through this now and in the future I thought I would do a little feature, via the blog about going to BAP. Today are my initial thoughts and when I get back on Wednesday I will write post-experience, (or post-trauma!!) but I have also asked some lovely blog friends to write about their own experiences too and so for the first time will feature some guest-posts.
So.. my initial thoughts are veering from excitement to panic to last minute cramming to complete disdain and back to panic. The truth is I have done all the preparation I can, it's just getting the info out of my head into coherent sentences which will be the problem! And of course getting across the info that I need them to know about me. I took advice from a friend who went to BAP last year who told me to remember to take every opportunity to show them the breadth of my knowledge and experience. Which coming from a more evangelical church I need to do...
I have questioned myself over and over with potential questions they might ask me, all week sounding like I am talking to myself. My poor husband is sick of me telling him about the role of a Priest and I think my kids will be delighted to have the kitchen table back which all week has been covered in papers and books!!
Above all I believe this is of God, I believe he is calling me and I have been obedient to the call. We have taken every step prayerfully and asked him to shut the door if it is not right. So here I am, the door still open, and of course that may change after these few days and if so I will trust that it is of God.
So with that I will sign off, to pack and check my train tickets and make sure the kids dinner is cooked for tomorrow and make sure the school runs are covered and make sure my husband knows where he has to be and when, and then theres the mountain of ironing.... (actually I might just leave that, after all my Mum will be here tomorrow and she might just do it for me...!)
See you on the other side!!