So... I am half way through a Holy-Spirit bonanza weekend... or that is what I thought it would be, beforehand! A day on teaching on healing last Thursday, Hillsong Colour Conference on Friday and Saturday, a couple of days off (although obvs Sundays not really time off...) and then next Tuesday in London a conference with Randy Clark from Bethel Church.
So, it's fair to say I was expectant. Expectant for God to really move and speak to me, expectant to see the Holy Spirit moving in power, expectant to come away feeling totally hyped up and full of the Holy spirit.
So far the reality is different and I feel a little bit of a gentle tap on the knuckles from Him upstairs. Don't get me wrong, he has totaly been speaking to me, and at each of these places the atmosphere has been full of his amazing spirit. In fact on Thursday there was obvious manifestations of the spirit really moving in people. BUT for me, it has been a gentle whispering - the still small voice - saying - it's me! just focus on me. I am all that matters.
I am not someone who chases signs and wonders but I am so hungry to see and be part of Gods kingdom in all its fullness. I want to see the deaf hear, the blind see, the dead raised.,I want to see people transformed by the power of Gods love, it is true, but I also just want to know Jesus more. And I think over the last few days God has been reminding me just to focus first on his son and then the rest will follow. Its so easy to get carried away with fantastic teaching, or with a particular place, or a certain way of doing church, and then lose sight of what its all about. I'm not quite at the place of losing sight of Jesus, dont worry, but I am glad of the little reprimand and just to shift my focus slightly.
It's interesting just after these last few days to see how Christian teaching can vary so much. Thursday was very focussed on the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, healing and signs and wonders. 'Colour' was totally focussed on Jesus with some very strong Word-based teaching. I had almost forgotten how much I love Gods word. I have spent so much time recently reading and listening to other peoples teaching and opinions, I haven't had so much time to focus on the bible. How very foolish of me...
I Love God. I want to see so much more of his kingdom right now, I am so hungry for it, but even if I don't see it, I still love him. I am still desperate to know him more and I am still passionate about others knowing Jesus. He has to be at the centre of everything I do, or there is just simply no point in doing it.