While on holiday I was reflecting about why we love holidays so much. I think for me there has always been a a lot of escapism about it. That we can just leave our 'normal life' behind (ok so with modern technology we can have as much or as little contact with it as we like...). We can relax, switch off, not worry about the door the needs painting, the naming of school uniform, whether the lounge needs hoovering, or the inevitable work. In previous years I haven't been able to totally switch off as I was running my own business, so there was a lot to think about even when away. This year was different. I totally zoned out. And it was bliss. I really wish it could have gone on longer. Of course now we're back everything is just there waiting to be picked up again. This is the last week of the hols and so there is the usual panic of school uniform, shoes, bags etc. But it just seems so easy to slip back in to. And I love it, but I also need to get away from it.
I am not sure what the need to escape is all about. I think I've always had someone inside me who wants to run away from things. Even though I am happy and setttled there is a part of me that actually can't handle being settled and happy. When I was a teenager I used to think like a victim. Like there was always something happening to me, that bad stuff happened to me, so perhaps I never quite escaped that feeling. Perhaps I don't feel like I deserve this... Or maybe it is just that 'fight or flight' part of human nature.
I don't know if this is making any sense to anyone else. It's just I thought a lot whilst away about what it would be like not to go home. Not to go back to that little stable life. Perhaps it is because I am sooo not in control of my life at the moment that subconcsiouly I am wishing it on myself even more.
I think what I'm trying to say is that I feel the need to escape this life, daily. Not in reality, or literally, but just to have some time away from it. Away from the daily grind, and away from the pressures of life. The scripture coming to mind as I write is, to be in this world but not of it. Is that it? Is all this about reminding myself that I am not 'of' this world? That the little details of this world are often unimportant in the grand scheme...
In going away and escaping the usual routine, we have no responsibilties. It doesn't matter if the kids stay up late, if the housework isn't done, if we eat crisps and ice cream all day. No one contacts us. Bills are left behind. It's like a new world where responsibility is taken from us for our lives and we can literally do as we like for a week or two. Of course in reality we just can't do that for much more than a few weeks because the stable life that one eventually returns to will fall apart without some guidance. But then would that matter? Perhaps I am realising that so much of my stable life is unnecessary. How wonderful it would be to run off with just a rucksack and nothing else. To have no posessions, rather like the first disciples. they left everything to follow Jesus and shared the little they did have with each other.
I am rather over romanticising this I know. It's just post holiday blues I am sure !