About Me

Monday, 25 April 2011

Pressure...

As I sit here watching Masterchef and seeing the pressure the contestants are under I have been thinking about the pressure I put on myself. In all situations. Even with this blog, I have had a hectic few weeks because of the school hols and being busy with commitments, and yet I am still thinking, I really need to post something...

I thought this was something that I had overcome. But perhaps that is what makes me, me...? Whatever I do, I throw myself into 100%, well more probably. I have to know everything about what I am doing, I embrace it, I dive right it. I do not do things by halves. I am sure this can be a good trait, in that I put my all into things, but sometimes I think I go too far. I put so much pressure on myself to do well. Failure is not an option, in anything.

It's almost like I have to prove something. But to who? Is it to myself? To God? I don't think I have sussed that one out yet.

I wrote a few weeks back about accepting a compliment and finding it hard. I think that is related to this too, in that perhaps I cannot accept when I do something well. Because I know I could do better.. Am I a perfectionist? Is that an unattractive quality? Am I not enough?

Ultimately none of it should matter, what should matter is that I do my best and I do it for God. I think I find it hard to accept that God will love me no matter what. Love has always been an issue for me, as I have written about before, but is this what this is about too? Love has a lot to answer for... that and our ability to both give it, and receive it.

1 comment:

Perpetua said...

Hi Red, hope you had a really joyous Easter.

This is a big topic you've raised and one which a lot of people have trouble dealing with, including ministers. It's certainly one you will have to confront if you're hoping to train for ordination as parish ministry can be incredibly pressured, even without you putting morepressure on yourself.

Sounds like something to be discussed and prayed over with a mentor / spiritual director / soul friend.