About Me

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

A Quandry...

This post is probably just going to be a way of me getting my head around something, so I apologise now if it is a ramble...

So, we are about to have a leadership election at church (bit like a PCC). It is the first one they have ever had, and the election is for 4 members of the church to become, effectively, elders, who will form a leadership committee along with the Vicar & Curate. They have stressed the importance of thinking about this prayerfully and asked people to approach others that they feel should be nominated. I was once on a PCC, and election was a very different affair to this. It was a case of the Vicar saying to me, 'will you join we need some young people' and only one other person stood and there were 2 places. No one else wanted to do it, so we were both in (and subsequently ignored for 3 years but that's for another time...) Now, however, it really is a question of seeking God on this and feeling what His will is.

I have been asked by several people within the church structure to stand, and several people have offfered to nominate me. I would love to do it, I have some time, it's something new, and I love new things, it's a bit of a challenge, it would be great experience and so on... BUT I am just not sure it is Gods will for me. So what do I do?

A few weeks back the Vicar preached about leadership and I prayed that if God wanted me to stand, that someone would come up to me and say so. 2 people did, both had prayed about it and felt to talk to me. A sign maybe? So I went to talk to one of the current leaders, who explained what the role would entail and how much work it would be. That didn't phase me. What did phase me was that she said she was expecting people to feel called to this particularly. At that stage I wasn't sure, so I asked for another sign and I didnt get it. So I kind of left it and thought oh well, it's not for me. then this week I have done a few hours helping in the church office and several people have been bending my ear about it. I made the mistake of saying I felt there needed to be a woman on the committee, to which I got the reply, 'well what are you going to do about it then?'... should have seen that one coming...

On the one hand I think this is perfect, it is a role I could do, it is perfect timing, and why would God not want me to do it? On the other I am rather confused. I believe He is capable of showing me, but what am I expecting? a thunderbolt? (does this seem familar to anyone else...?!) I didn't get one then either...  I wanted confirmation and these last few days I guess I have had it. So why am I hanging back? I want to stand, they want me to stand, what is holding me back? Am I reading too much into this?

As well as that, whilst I am feeling much better I worry that if I take on too much I could get ill again and so I really need to know this of God, because I will need Him in this! Is it a leap of faith or a leap of stupidity? It has been suggested that I stand anyway and then if I am supposed to be there I will get in, if not then it is not of God. BUT He has given us free will, so what if I get in and then find it all too hard or feel ill? I can't blame Him, He would say 'well you made that choice, I gave you the option..'  I am going round in circles aren't I?

The Curate said to me this morning 'is this the best use of your time and gifts for the kingdom right now'? or something along those lines. He does have a way of cutting through the crap and getting right to the point. The answer to that question is, I am sure, yes. What else am I doing> Seeking God, reading his word, a bit of baking... none of which I would have to drop....

Love to know your thoughts, or prayers if you feel inclined. thank you :)

5 comments:

Perpetually In Transit said...

Let me think about this, Red. It's a big question, but I'll come back to it. One query first - I thought your church was Anglican, in which case it surely must have a PCC to be legal? Where will the elders fit into this structure?

Red said...

It is CofE but it's part of Fresh Expressions so it had a Bishops Mission Order to start it. It is part of this BMO that means we now need an elected leadership. So the elected leadership committee will carry the same role as a traditional PCC. just a different name I guess, and less people. does that help? thanks for the thought :)

Alan Crawley said...

What length of commitment is this asking for, and if selected when would your ordination training start? And what kind of training do you anticipate undertaking? ...Not questions to which I want to know the answer, but thinking about the answer may help you!
I was encouraged to put down commitments in the local church when I started training because of the big commitment that that was.

Red said...

yes, thanks Alan, I have considered that, but I am 'free' at least until sept 2012 (if not a year later) and those at the church know about this too and still want me to stand...
BTW thanks for your comments on the all-age worship - I am not ignoring, just contemplating :)

Perpetua said...

Good point about not taking on too much if you are hoping to train for ordination later on. That said, one of the things the selectors are looking for are indications of leadership potential and experience in your local church is very helpful here.

Having read and re-read what you've written, I think the curate's question is key to your decision and I think how you've answered that already. For what it's worth, my experience of God's leading has never been of the overt, unmistakeable signs variety, but instead has consisted of little hints and nudges, from prayer, from what others who know me say and from events themselves. Not sure if this helps, but you have my prayers.