What is anxiety all about eh? I mean how can the simplest of things become so huge that we become fearful? This is going to sound so banal but yesterday, I trod on a childs foot. It was an accident but it was completely my fault. If I'm honest I was fed up with waiting while all the kids barged in so I stepped forward. If I'm not honest I would say I was distracted whilst looking after OPKs who were running wild. Stupid, my own impatience got the better of me, in front of other adults. Of course I apologised and to most the moment was gone. But I have been seized by anxiety over this. What will people think? Did they think I was being impatient? I was. Did they think I was foolish? I was. Did they think, well she's a bit rude? I was.... But man, let's get over it. I was all of the above and would not do it again, so why am I consumed with anxiety over something so trivial?
Generally speaking I am not an anxious person but every now and then I get one of these funny moments, over a trivial matter, as above, and get consumed. My stomach fills with butterflies, I feel guilty and condemned, I want to confess. To what I don't know...
Where does anxiety come from anyway? What part of our brain produces those feelings? And why over the trivial stuff? I've been in enough stressful situations to know when I really should worry about something. Perhaps that's it, perhaps my brain is missing those situations and so is inventing things to keep it happy!
Anxiety runs in my family. Both my mum and my nan are worriers. Over the most silly things and today I stopped and looked at myself and thought, 'oh no I am becoming my mum and my nan all rolled into one...' (Lord help me.) and then laughed at the ridculousity of it all (is that a word...?)
So instead of worrying I am blogging about it and how cathartic that is. I am openly admitting to the world, that I am anxious because I trod on a childs foot. If that isn't the most ridiculous thing then I don't know what is.... :)