Well I took a few weeks off from the blog over Christmas. For a start there was just a lot going on in the run up to the end of term, and then on top of that most of the family have been ill for about a month now which has meant an enforced stay on the couch with many movies and hot chocolate. Actually it has been rather nice. Even our Curate noted on Sunday that he needed a holiday to get over Christmas! Not for me. It has been blissfully lazy. (although we could have done without the incessant coughing)
So I've had a few weeks off really. And from everything. No work. No school runs. No socialsing (well not much). BUT I have felt like I've been taking time off from God, which has worried me. In the run up to Christmas I had begun filling in my ministry application form, then hit a bit of a rockface for various reasons. I really felt that I couldn't 'feel' Gods love and yet here I am applying to go into a profession/voaction where I would be sharing that love with others. I felt like I was being a total hypocrite. So the form was ignored.
But as I enter this new year with this new challenge it seems like actually this is what God wanted. I needed a good break and I didn't need all the mindtrips that the form was giving me. It has caused me to go back to places in my past that I really didn't want to have to go to. I felt like I was being torn apart, a friend put it as your life is being 'de-constructed' which seems a perfect description and whilst painful, I know it is a necessary process.
Anyway the last week or so I have had trouble sleeping, partly due to the cough and partly because I have to sleep upright to stop the cough which is so bloomin' uncomfortable that that in itself stops me sleeping... But actually in those hours of wakefulness I really feel that God has been meeting with me. I have had the most amazing thoughts and revelations. I feel ready now to face this challenge God has laid before me. I know it's going to be hard, it's going to get harder than it has done so far, but I know I'm ready for it now.