So today I will be mostly falling apart. I am frankly exhausted. I am too busy, and that's not a boast, I am just too busy, it can't go on like this. I am so tired I have even developed a twitchy eye (can't tell you how annnoying it is!), which I discovered via the wonders of google is usually due to 'extreme tiredness'. great, so now its official (in google terms anyway), I am extremely tired. I could have told you that, oh, yes I did already...
I am stuck between 2 worlds. the one I chose, pre-faith, that I can't quite get out of yet and the one where God is leading me. Having made 'the' decision is great, but I can't actually do anything about it yet. but I can't give up those thigns that God is guiding me to either. Those are the things I want to be doing. the rest is just what I am committed to, for now at least. On top of everything else I am having real trouble sleeping, which I haven't suffered with for a while and needless to say it is not really helping the situation.
So where do I draw the line? I need to step back somewhow before I fall down, but I can't give anything up. I want to give more time to God, and I have recognised that I can't do that yet. in time, his time I will be able to. But I just cant, or won't, give up those few times that I do have with him, seeking him, studying him. So I'm in a quandry as to what to do.
Today I have one of those days where there simply aren't enough hours. There are things that must be done today and meetings to be had, and yet here I am writing my blog. Classic avoidance technique I'm sure...! I would love to run away from it all and go and hide in a cave for a week (well, perhaps not a cave, a nice B&B somewhere, or stuff that, a luxury spa). yes that's what I need - a week in a luxury spa. wonder if the hubby/kids/business partner/colleagues would go for that...?
ok well enough moaning, guess I just needed to feel sorry for myself for a few mins, so I will go and get on with the stuff I am supposed to be doing, then I will fall over.... ;)