I am not good at being ill (is anyone I wonder?) and it takes a lot for me to actually take a rest. I get bored being ill and always make myself worse by trying to do too much. That's what happened this week - woke up feeling heaps better on Monday so then had a 'normal' day - just getting on with stuff. Come 6 o'clock I am feeling grim again, serves me right I know. Since then I have been napping at lunchtime and going to bed at 9pm, and living off water, plain digestives and vegetable soup. (so dull...) (church nights out as mentioned in previous post have mostly been canned!)
Funny how much it has taken out of me. I have done very little this week, even blogging has been minimal. In fact that old saying about kicking a man when he's down came to mind. As this week a whole host of things have come to a head, some might call it a spritual attack (some meaning me). Feels like I've been got at on every level. from illness, to work stuff, crotchety kids, you name it. But the thing is, out of that, in my weary state I have spent much time in prayer. In fact I think I have been through many stages of prayer this week... something along the lines of:
1. Pleading prayer:
without intimate details, when the prawns were making their reappearance and I had a particularly close view of the toilet bowl, I was definitely pleading for God to stop it all.
2. Weary thankful prayer:
after said action had stopped
3. Angry prayer:
at not getting well. and at not being able to do the stuff I wanted to do.
4. Weary acceptance prayer
It's not Gods fault I am ill. sorry for being angry at God
5. Desperation Prayer
still ill, kids grumpy, can't do the things I want or need to do and so fed up of it.
6. Weary acceptance prayer
Its not Gods fault. I will get better, I will be patient.
7. Real acceptance prayer
ok I finally accept for real that everything that has happened this week is not of God. If he weren't in it it would probably have been a whole lot worse.
In fact I have realised a lot of my prayers are like this. I ask God about something, it doesn't happen instantly and I get annoyed. I really must learn about patience.
And the thing is that although this week has been frankly hideous, and I am still exhausted, a lot of things have been worked out, both in my head and in 'real life'! So whilst I would rather not have been ill, (especially as prawns are my fave and I am annoyed at now not wanting to eat them ever again) good has come out of it. So was the Lords hand in this all along? Or is it just that he manages to make good come from bad? Or is it all irrelevant and my husband just a lousy cook...
...For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:10)