What is it that makes our emotions come out? and don't give me all that hormones stuff, it's the wrong week. Yesterday I was angry, today I feel like crap.
I am tired. I am grumpy. I am fasting for a load of people I don't know when I really want chocolate. It's only for a few hours but I am resenting it. Which is stupid because I don't have to do it. I do actually want to.
I have spent my one morning off going to my daughters nursery to do art with them. I resented it. Which is stupid because I actually wanted to do it (and the kids loved it)
I have to do a Tescos order because we have no food. I am resenting this, which is stupid because we need to eat and its far quicker and easier than going to the store.
I have to do some stuff for the school PTA. Which, yes, you've guessed it, I am resenting, which again... is.. yes, stupid. because I want to do it.
I now have 2 hours and 47 minutes until I pick up no.3 from nursery. What I would like to do in that time is sit in the bath with a crappy novel and a large bar of chocolate. Then when the water is cold and I am so wrinkly I look like I've aged 30 years I will get into bed with a hot water bottle and the electric blanket on, just l because I can and read the paper.
In reality I will do the Tescos order, do the PTA stuff asap, run around doing a quick tidy, plan the dinner and then do the pick ups. I will then spend 3 hours running after the kids, making dinner which they won't eat and dealing with strops because they are tired. and that doesn't even account for the TA who will probably have some crisis or other which will seem so banal that I won't care, but will try to show that I do and fail miserably.
So, which of the two routes do I go down? If I go for the first I will have to work extra hard tomorrow. I will have to explain to the rest of the PTA why I haven't done what I should have done about a week ago, I will have to explain to the family why they are eating stale crusts for tea and to the husband why he has no dinner. I will also be letting down those people who I said I would pray for and on top of that I will have no reasonable excuse. So I will soldier on like some kind of bloody martyr and feel sorry for myself. Which is stupid because I really have nothing to feel sorry about, other than that I could do with a day off. A day off from being me, from emotions, from family, from God, from everything. Which let's face it is not going to happen. ever. so I need to stop being a miserbale sod and get on with it. but oh... chocolate would help so much.