My goal is to live a big life for God. I don't just want to live a good Christian life, I want to be out there, doing great things for Him. And over the last few weeks I have been worrying about whether this is my desire or Gods. It is hard to know whether I am listening to him or still following my own ideas. I am someone who strives for what she wants. I am a go-getter. I do not sit on my butt waiting for stuff to happen. So you see, it is actually quite hard for me to listen to someone elses path for my life. Don't get me wrong, I want to. I want to live my life for God, but I just get confused sometimes about what he wants and what I want! (yes I know, confusion is not of God...)
Anyway, I just finished reading 'Beautiful' by Beth Redman. A lovely book, which I did enjoy and she has a great writing style, but I wasn't really feeling the love for it, if you know what I mean. That is, until I got to Chapter 9. This could have been written for me. She talks about wanting to live a big life for God. She says:
'I really really want God to use my life' and she says shes on a mission to 'know him more, to love him more, to become more like him, and to make him known to others…'
I could have written that myself...
and the thing is she goes on to point out that this is good, that God has works prepared for us, if we are willing to surrender to him and do them.
The funniest thing, when I knew God was talking to me was this:
'a little person in a small town, or a tiny village can end up making a mark on history and affecting peoples lives forever.' (that's me, in the tiny village BTW)
So, thats what I want. I want God to use me in a mighty way. and I don't mean that in any vain attempt at bigging myself up, or that I want to be better than the next person. I just want to do Gods planned works for me, and I think they will be big ones. I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm stuck up my own rear end, but I mean it in the most Holy of ways. It's not about me, it's about Him.