Ok, so I'm not sure God actually sends us tests to see how strong our faith is, I think there are just situations where the enemy gets a foot in the door, even in someones elses life, that can affect yours, sometimes massively so. That said, today is a test for me. There is an issue in my life which I have to deal with. I have been praying for guidance and even set myself the goal of sorting it out during Lent. However I will admit I have let it drift a bit. In addition to that my business is struggling a bit at the mo and I have just said to God, ok it's all yours, if it's meant to be it will be great and propserous etc, if not fine, I'll know you want me elsewhere.
So, last night was a bit of a deadline in the business terms and my husband and I spent the evening discussing how to deal with it, without approaching the dreaded bank. I had been praying about this and I totally put my faith in God over it. but the day had come and no answer was in sight. My husband and I agreed we needed a miracle, someone to turn up with some cash! and we even decided that we could wait a few more days. Oh, me of little, faith.... I went off to bed, and less than 5 minutes later the phone rang, with someone offering to lend me some money! there was the miracle I needed.
However... in accepting this I have to deal with the past issues. I have to forgive, forget and move on. It's like God just said to me, ok here is the lifeline you need but, you said you would sort out this other issue and you haven't so... here you go, you decide! When I got into bed last night I didnt know whether to laugh or cry, well I did both actually. I admit I was very cross and angry with God, I kept saying 'I'm not ready to deal with this', but the honest truth is it's been over 15 years and I am still saying that. I know I have to just accept this, I cannot bring up my hurt and pain because it will just hurt the other person. All I can do is forgive...
So today I am praying for strength, compassion, understanding and love. That's all I can do, and I know he will be with me tonight, as always.
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.